Mark's Newsletter: The Boston Celtics and the Art of Moving On + More!
๐๐๐ฃ๐'๐ค โ๐๐จ๐ค๐๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐๐ฃ ๐๐๐ช ๐๐๐ฅ๐, ๐๐๐๐
The Boston Celtics and the Art of Moving On
by Mark James McDonough
Itโs April 2013 and the Celtics are playing their first home game of the playoffs against the New York Knicks. The Knicks hadnโt won a playoff game in something like ten years but theyโre heading into Boston up 2-0. Iโm annihilated drunk off of 173 dollar Garden beers and sit hopelessly as a middling New York team destroys the Cโs. Garnett and Pierce are on the team but Jeff Green is our leading scorer. Ray Allen, who helped Boston take the Heat to the brink in the 2012 Eastern Conference Finals, is now in Miami and a few weeks away from hitting the greatest shot in NBA Finals history. Itโs beginning to set in that the Big Three era is officially over and thatโs only accentuated by the fact that Iโm able to move down to almost courtside during the third quarter. The fans had left. We lose the series. 2008 was five long years ago.
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย The next year brings a rotating cast of rookies, journeymen, and veterans with expiring contracts. Rajon Rondo is the only player left from our glory days and heโs hurt and on his way out. To watch the 2013-14 Boston Celtics is an act of penance. Itโs a Catholic city after all.
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย Isaiah Thomas provided a much needed spark to the franchise in 2015. We started to feel like us again. Unfortunately for Thomas, and Hayward, and even Kyrie Irvingโฆ yes, Kyrie Irvingโฆ we were snake bit. A hard style of play and freak injuries led to horrible disappointment, year after year. It didnโt help that Lebron James was at the top of his game. There was some good news though. We drafted Marcus Smart, Jaylen Brown, Jayson Tatum, Robert Williams, and Grant Williams. Yes, Grant Williams.
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย A popular insult thrown around on Twitter is that the Celtics have only won a single championship in the last 35 years. Thatโs a lot more than most franchises, but our detractors may have a point. Itโs time to move on. I love Paul Pierce and I love Kevin Garnett, but I think the universe was trying to express something to us during their retirement ceremonies. The Cavaliers embarrassed Boston during Pierceโs celebration and the Dallas Mavericks embarrassed them during KGโs. So what were the basketball gods trying to say? I think they were telling us to embrace the past, but not linger there.
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย As we move into the Eastern Conference Finals against the Miami Heat, weโre a different team than we were ten years ago but weโre also a different team than we were two years ago. This is a team for a new generation. Welcome to the future.
Mark McDonough is a staff writer for Portable Restroom Operator Magazine and The Washington Post. Please subscribe to his newsletter at the top of this page.
Hey folks. Hope you liked that. Decided to monetize the newsletter so youโll be seeing advertisements from now on. Donโt make a big deal out of hit. Hereโs the first one. Itโs for a movie. It looks pretty good.
Now itโs time for our next article in our Arts and Entertainment section
Eurovision?
by Markโs Handyman Keith
I watched the Eurovision last night and I gotta say, I had no idea what was going on. When I was a kid there was only five countries in Europe: England, France, Germany, Italy, and Australia. I donโt know where they came up with these other ones. I turned to my girlfriend Sheryl and asked her if she had ever heard of Moldova and the answer was of course no. If Sheryl hasnโt heard of it, it doesnโt exist. Sheโs on the internet all day long she would have found it by now. The volume on my TV isnโt working so I didnโt hear many of the songs but I saw some people in costumes and I didnโt like it. Whatever happened to someone like Chubby Checker? He had 7 Billboard Hot 100 singles named after some variation of โTwistโ. Now that was music. Now the girls have their arms exposed and the men are dressed like the cartoons. And thatโs this week in music with Keith. But what do I know? Iโm a convicted murderer after all.
Okay, so not a great article but itโs hard to find people that will write for me. I guess you donโt have to introduce advertisements but I feel a strange need to. Hereโs the next one.
Alright, and our final article- Keithโs girlfriend Sheryl with This Week in Fashion.
This Week in Fashion- Fellas, Black Eyes are In!
by Markโs Handyman Keithโs Girlfriend Sheryl
When it comes to summer and menโs fashion, trends are often predictable. Oh, cool bomber jacket. Nice watch. Killer shades. NOT! Stand out from the crowd boys. 9/10 women prefer a guy with a black eye. Donโt get that thing swollen shut, but just some nice consistent bruising underneath it. They wonโt be able to keep their hands off of you. I know when I met my Keith, he certainly had one. I thought he got it in a fight but he stepped on a big rake and hit flipped up and smacked him in the eye. I almost broke things off when I found out. So, I would also state, just lie a little. If you bang your head off a pane of glass like a pigeon flying into a window, just tell your Mrs. you did it injuring someone in a bar fight. Youโll get laid for weeks. And that was This Week in Fashion with Markโs Handyman Keithโs Girlfriend Sheryl.
Iโm sorry about that guys. If you know anyone that writes and would like to submit an article let me know. I have to be up front about this last ad. Iโm not even sure what itโs for. The money just showed up in my account with no name or explanation. They just asked me to post it.
Thanks everyone for clicking! Please subscribe at the top of the page!