Kamala Harris Fondly Remembers Her Best Friend John Lennon + More
πππ£π'π€ βππ¨π€πππ₯π₯ππ£ πππͺ πππ£π, ππππ
I recently sat down with Vice President of the United States Kamala Harris. We met at in the cafeteria of Boston Bowl on Morrissey BLVD in Boston, MA. It was an honor to meet her. Hope this interview is informative.
MM: Madame Vice President, are we working hard or hardly working?
KH: This interview is over.
MM: Iβm sorry. Letβs start again. Thereβs a lot on your plate right now. The Supreme Court is moving towards overturning Roe v. Wadeβ¦
KH: First time I saw The Beatles, like most of America, of course, was on the Ed Sullivan Showβ¦
MM: And your response was for people to get out and vote. But the Democrats already control the presidency, the Senate, and the Houseβ¦.
KH: And John and I became close shortly after that appearance. When they were recording Let It Be a few years later he invited me to sit in on the sessions. They let me hop on the fucking bongosβ¦
MM: So, Iβm not sure what telling people to vote could accomplish in this scenario. Would you care to elaborate?
KH: Theyβve got a documentary out now on Apple TV about the making of it. It led to that famous rooftop concert and the much publicized break-up of the band.
MM: I think weβre talking about two different things. To circle back a little bit, you must have been a young child when The Beatles were still recording. Like, maybe five years old?
KH: Yes, Iβve been very fortunate in that way. I actually wrote the song βHey Judeβ about Johnβs son. I said βlose the Julian. Just Jude. Itβs cleaner.β
MM: Okay. In addition to the Roe decision, thereβs also issues on the border, a baby formula shortage, escalating war in the Ukraine, rising gas prices, broken campaign promises about the decriminalization of marijuana and student loan forgiveness, the failure of the Build Back Better Act, and perhaps most devastating of allβ¦
KH: The White Album! No. No. No. Wait. Revolver!
MM: Continuous mass shootings, most recently in Buffalo, NY.
KH: I listened to Revolver all through my years at Dartmouth College. They used to call me βOtterβ. Boy, did we have some crazy nights. Toga partiesβ¦
MM: That is the plot of Animal House. I think youβre conflating The Beatles and a National Lampoon movie.
KH: And?
MM: Youβre presenting someone elseβs history and imagined events as if theyβre your lived experiences.
KH: I am Paul McCartney.
MM: Iβm not sure whatβs happening.
KH: This is a debate! You can say anything you want to during a debate and it counts.
MM: Counts for what? This is an interview.
KH: And Iβve just won.
Mark McDonough is a staff writer for Portable Restroom Operator Magazine and The Washington Post.
(Paid Advertisement from HarperCollins)
πΈπ£π₯π€ πππ πΌππ₯ππ£π₯πππππππ₯: ππππ₯'π€ π¦π‘ π¨ππ₯π ππ£. ππ₯π£ππππ?
by Markβs Handyman Keith
When I was a kid all you needed to make a movie was a beach, a blanket, and some bingo which led to movies like Beach Blanket Bingo. There was also Beach Party, Muscle Beach Party, Bikini Beach, How to Stuff a Wild Bikini, and The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini. Aside from the last one about the ghost, which I didnβt care for, these were great films! Now I go to see Mr. Strange and Iβve got a headache. Explain that to me, bozo! Save your Cumberbatch! Give me Frankie Avalon any day. He was in movies like Beach Party, Muscle Beach Party, Bikini Beach, Beach Blanket Bingo, and How to Stuff a Wild Bikini. Where was I? Oh, skip Strange! I give it zero wrenches out of four. But what do I know? Iβm a convicted murderer after all.
(Paid Advertisement from A24)
ππππ€ ππππ ππ π½ππ€πππ π: πππ₯π₯π π π€
by Markβs Handyman Keithβs Girlfriend Sheryl
MEN- This should go with out saying but you should only get tattoos on four occasions
1. Youβre in prison
2. Youβre in the military
3. Someone you even kind of knew, like βwerenβt extremely friendly with, but enough to say helloβ has died. Get their name and dates inked on you ASAP
4. Youβre The Undertaker from the WWF
Grown adults these days are getting Pokemon on their arms and legs. Tell me this honestly: Would you date a guy with a Mewtwo on his wrist? Why not get a big cross, or hands praying, or rosary beads, or all three? If you got the fucking Warner Brotherβs frog tattooed on your ankle Iβm not even going to look your way, dipshit. βOh, look at me. Iβve got Prince Caspian on my abs.β Shut up. Youβre really pissing me off.
But what do I know? I date a convicted murderer after all. And that was βThis Week in Fashionβ.
(Paid advertisement byβ¦ Iβm not sure honestly. The money and the pictures just keep showing up in my account)
πππ₯π₯ππ£π€ π₯π π₯ππ πΌπππ₯π π£:
Dear Moron,
I tried to eat one of your blocks and it made me sick. Iβm going to kick your ass.
- Meiriona, Pittsburgh, PA
Reply from the Editor: Hi, Meiriona. Thank you for the letter but I believe you meant to contact The LEGO Group.
Hi Mark,
Iβve been reading your newsletter each week but I have an unrelated question. Did you shit on my lawn in the summer of 2002?
-Bob K. Boston, MA
Reply from the Editor: Yes. Happy 20 year anniversary!
hI,
I goT A+ on my MatH tesT.
-JeRemY (age 7) PortlaNd, ME
Reply from the Editor: Okay?
To whom it may concern,
I did NOT mean to contact The LEGO Group. Youβre worthless and in deep shit.
-Meiriona, Pittsburgh, PA
Reply from the Editor: Oh, dear.
So it goes. Thatβs all for this week folks. Please subscribe (for free) at the top of the page if you havenβt already.